Can a relationship survive infidelity?

Discovering that your partner has betrayed you feels like somebody pulled the rug from under your feet. You are overwhelmed by a cocktail of emotions ranging between rage and despair. Cheating can be the ultimate relationship violation, and the resultant loss of emotional safety can be devastating.

It is widely recognised that infidelity is a traumatic event for the one who has been cheated on. What is less known is that an act of infidelity can also be traumatising for the transgressor. By their very own actions, they have betrayed and forfeited their partner’s trust and, without trust there can be no intimacy and no relational connectivity. They may be left with the chilling realisation that they may never be forgiven.

What drives a partner to be unfaithful?

Motivators generally fall into two categories: either the situation itself (problems in the environment), or a broken relationship (absence of connection), but there can be any number of catalysts, such as boredom, anger, lack of sex, financial issues, low commitment, power imbalance, low self-esteem, problems at work or in family life, and neglect; Sometimes, the person who has been unfaithful may not even know why they cheated in the first place! More often than not, whatever the presenting reason for the transgression, there are underlying relational issues which can be traced back to early childhood trauma or other life experiences.

An affair is not always a 'turning away' from a partner.

It can essentially be a cry for connection, an effort to stabilise a destabilised relationship. So, although an affair can sometimes be a death knell, this is not always the case and, once the dust has settled, relationships can go either way.

Therapy can help you with life-changing decisions.

If you are experiencing anger, confusion and conflict in your current relationship, or if you are struggling to come to terms with past infidelities, therapy can help you to process your emotions better. During this turbulent phase of your relationship, you may need support in order to come to see things more clearly before making any life-changing decisions.

Ultimately, should you decide to stay together, your therapist will support you to explore and deal with the source of your troubles, and to build a more satisfying and committed partnership. Equally importantly, should you opt to end the relationship, your therapist can help you to do so with dignity and grace.